Today, my best friend had one of those moments. She gave birth to her baby girl. Her beautiful daughter. Seven pounds and two ounces of precious perfection.
Some laugh when I talk about commitment. I think over the years, losing trust in people and seeing what the world is really like has turned me into somewhat of a cynic. Perhaps even a commitmentphobe. I laugh as I write that, because never have you met a more romantic, cheesy, soppy or sensitive person than me. But years of reality and relationships have bruised my once perfect vision of what love is. It's not that I don't believe in it. It's that I believe it is more rare than people would care to admit. I don't believe (anymore) that everyone will find their happily ever after, as I once did.
When I hear about people making a commitment such as moving in together, or getting married, I always think;
"I wonder if this one will last?"
"I wonder who will snap first... Or who will leave who?"
I don't even wonder if they will make it to the end, because I really don't believe that anyone ever will. In my heart, I just don't believe that anyone can make a life long commitment to another person.
But today I realised, I had only ever thought of commitment in the way of falling in love and getting married, or moving in with someone. I had only ever thought of the commitment that we make with our partner to stay faithful, and stay with them until the end.
Today, CN made the biggest commitment of her life. She made a commitment to her child. To love her, to protect her, to stay with her forever.
You see, I had never before thought of this as a commitment. My mum had always loved me and cared for me. She was 100% committed to my sisters and me all of the time. I thought this was just what happened, it wasn't a choice. But this isn't always the case. We do have a choice to make. We do have to make a commitment to our children. Once you make that choice there can be no going back. There is no escape clause like there is in marriage or owning a home together. If you make the choice to make this commitment to your child, you have to honor it for the rest of your life.
There is no commitment more important than the commitment you make to your child. No promise matters more than that one.
It's a huge responsibility. But it is also the most rewarding commitment you will ever make.
In life we have these moments that change our life forever.
It can be something small and simple. Something that seems insignificant to the larger picture of our lives. It could be missing our regular bus; going for a job interview; visiting a new restaurant for lunch; walking the dog; running under shelter to get out of the rain. The simple, seemingly insignificant decisions that we make on a day to day basis, could be what lead to that moment. That defining moment that changes our life forever.
Those moments can also be larger ones. We see them coming, but are yet still surprised by the drastic impact they have on our lives. Moments like saying yes to a proposal; deciding to move in with someone; falling in love or having a baby. We know these moments are going to change our lives. But sometimes, we are unprepared for how much these moments change us, as individuals.
Last night CN had one of those moments. The moment she held her new born daughter in her arms, her life changed forever. Not only her life in a physical way, and how she would have to behave and live. But also in the way that she thinks. Things that used to matter to her don't matter any more. Things that had mattered only hours ago, no longer matter. This is it. This is what matters. This little girl! Her daughter is what matters.
This is how love is defined:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
If this is love, then do we really love like we should? The only love that I can see reflected in these words, is the love a mother has for her child. It's unconditional. It's everlasting. It never fails. Now that kind of love, that takes a huge commitment.
I'm so proud of my best friend. She's doing this on her own. Granted with the support of her amazing family, but she's essentially raising her daughter alone.
And she's scared. But she's doing it. She made a commitment. She will honor that commitment no matter what it takes. This is it. This is what matters...
And she's going to be an amazing mother!
This I have absolutely no doubt!
I'm dedicating this blog entry to my best friend:
I love you. I'm proud of you for the choices that you have made and the commitment you are making now. Your fearlessness and strength is an inspiration. You will be your daughters hero. Don't forget that! Things might get hard, and there will be upward struggles. But as long as you are committed and have love to give, your daughter will never be without. You'll be her hero, just by loving her every day. The type of love and commitment that only a mother can give.
Congratulations mummy! :)