Saturday, 22 February 2014

Things that go bump in the night

Lately, I’ve been struggling to sleep, distracted by the things that go bump in the night.  I know many people can relate to having that insomnia feeling at least once in their lifetimes.  A nice glass of wine helps to sooth those demons under my bed, but my current financial situation, sadly, will not support that sleeping aid.  Weekend wine is all I can afford; anything more would put me in the (darker) red.

Which brings me to the ‘money monster’ that is hiding under my bed.  The first of the many demons that keep me awake at night.  Money!  Why is it we never have enough?  I never have enough money for the important things, never mind the things that I would just like to have.  My phone for instance, I would love to have a smart phone.  Sadly, I cannot afford one.  So I make due with this pay as you go flip phone.  I hate it, using it angers me and only adds to my stress.  I studied for years for my degree in teaching.  I feel like I paid my dues as a struggling student.  Now I have a career, isn’t this where my life begins, and I start being able to afford the things I want.  I work hard; I teach, I tutor and I am always looking for ways to make money, I’m even willing to babysit.  Twenty-four years old, and I am looking to do a job that I did when I was fourteen.  Walking on this treadmill of life, and getting nowhere.  I’m twenty-four years old, and I live with my dad.  Looking at my salary, I’m beginning to think the only hope for me for any sort of future (if I stay in teaching) is to meet a man with a decent income and marry him.  Not in a gold digger type way.  But lets face it, there are many guys out there that have the potential of making me fall in love.  I just don’t plan to date the broke, jobless ones.  Thus eliminating the risk of falling in love with someone as hopeless and broke as myself.

Speaking of boyfriends, meet the ‘boyfriend boogey man’ that is hiding out in my closet.  I’ve been single for six years.  Not that I am looking for a relationship, because I’m really not.  I feel like I have enough to worry about without having to deal with that too.  I do feel a little lonely from time to time, and it’d be nice to have someone to come and chase my demons away now and then.  But honestly, boyfriends just pretend to chase the demons away.  When really they just bring their own demons with them, and they buddy up with your demons, and everything seems happy go lucky for a while… until you look around and think, “oh crap, now I have double the amount of demons!”  So far, for me, boyfriends have proven to be more trouble than they are worth, though they come wrapped in some pretty nice packaging.  But as far as my future goes, I really will have to one day meet someone, and get married.  Or else I’ll be moving out of my dads, and back in with my mum. 

Which leads me to the ‘fat phantom’ that doesn’t even bother hiding; this guy just sits on my chest and tickles my nose while I try to sleep.  If I’m planning to ‘one day’ bag myself a Christian Grey type man, then I need to get myself an Anastasia Steele type body!  I am a long way from this, let me just tell you.  I was doing great, I had lost 30lbs and was working out five times a week.  I was on my way to my future, sexy self.  Nothing was going to stop me.  Nothing was getting in my way.  Until it did!  Don’t even ask me what.  It’s the same thing that happens every time.  I lose momentum, or motivation or something.  And don’t ask me why, because trust me, I still want to be thin.  When I started tutoring it made it harder to work out those two days a week.  But that’s just two days, and I could find something else other than the gym for those days.  I need to find my momentum again!  Today I entered an online competition for weight loss; you bet $25 that you can lose 4% of your body weight in four weeks and then all of the winners split the pot.  So hopefully this motivates me again.  Getting a sexy body would really be a step in the right direction for eliminating all of my demons!

You know, I sound like I’m complaining.  I’m really not!  I am lucky, and I know that.  I don’t have any serious issues.  I am healthy (apart from that phantom on my chest), I have a roof over my head and I have people that I love in my life.  There are people much worse off than me.  But these ‘demons’ that are keeping me awake at night are pretty common.  Especially the ‘money monster’!  It seems everybody has a ‘money monster’ demon bumping away in the night.  I just hope I can tame mine one day, because it really would make everything so much easier.  Money might not buy happiness, but it definitely eases stress!  It lets you enjoy the things in your life that make you happy.  I know some people that stress so much over money that they don’t know how to take time to enjoy the things that make them happy.  Or take time to create lasting memories with the people that make them happy.  Money definitely isn’t everything, but it is a pretty powerful demon in everybody’s life, you can’t argue with that.

All of my demons work together.  It is a vicious circle.  Instead of going bump in the night, they’re having a rave in here.  Blaring that base, with no regards to my beauty sleep.  Christian Grey type, if you are out there: I hope you like the haggard, sleep deprived, broke, overweight, wine lover types… because here I am baby!  I’m waiting for you!! Come find me!

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