Thursday, 29 May 2014

The Dating Game

I have a boyfriend again for the first time in about six years.  It seems over the years I have forgotten the rules, and I need a refresher course in how to play, 'The Dating Game'.  The Dating Game is the most complicated of all of life's games, and there is rarely ever a winner. Unless... You play one of the rare games that reveals everyone as a winner.  Those however, are a lucky few.  Unlimitedly, in most battles of The Dating Game, there is a definite loser (or losers in most cases).  That is not to say that it isn't the most fun, exciting, thrilling and rewarding game of life.  The benefits to the game, if you manage to find a worthy opponent, make it worth the risk.  And it is a risk.  Never before has there been a game that has had more risk involved in it.  It's a gamble, and you're putting your heart on the table... But if you don't go all in, then you won't reap the possible benefits.  You have to make a choice.  If you're going to play, you have to play with everything you've got.  You have to take a leap, make a gamble and risk it all.

But never forget, it is a game, and in a game you have to play to win.  You must be tactical and plan your moves delicately.  That heart can be tricky, and can sometimes get in the way of your game strategies.  Be smart.  Don't let it get in the way.  This is where I've been having trouble.

There are certain rules in The Dating Game that we must follow.  Especially women!  We have a hard time with that pesky heart getting in the way.  Those damn emotions have a tendency to cloud our judgement and sabotage our best plays.  The Dating Game is extra complicated for us.  Sometimes we can feel like we are winning and then boom, three hours go by without hearing from him, you lose your cool and send him ten messages.  Game over.  You've lost.  The outcome: you're single again.  Time to look for a new opponent.  Better luck next time.

So let's go over some of these rules.

Rule number one: A player can not always be the first to text.  A player must wait for the opponent to text first, before responding in a very cool and nonchalant manner.

Now this is probably my least favorite rule! Why can't I text him as soon as I wake up just to say, "good morning, I had a dream about you last night!"  Apparently it could be viewed as slightly creepy with a touch of needy.  It is important for him to believe that I have so many other important things on my mind, and he's the very last thing I think of when I first wake up.

Rule number two:  A player can not always be the one to suggest plans.  She must wait for the opponent to suggest their next meet, and they can not always respond 'yes' to all invitations extended.

Once again, I think we are trying to avoid displaying our neediness.  He does not need to know that you are so desperate to see him that you would happily see him every day, canceling all plans that stand in your way.  That does not portray a cool, independent woman, it gives the impression of something quite different.

Rule number three:  A player must appear to be flawless at all times.  This will weaken your opponent and ensure that you hold his interest.

Ok ladies, I'm not saying don't be yourself... But yeah, don't be yourself.  Not yet.  He must not know that you shave your big toe or tweeze your chin hair.  He can never really know how long it takes you to get ready.  Your beauty must appear to be effortless, with minimal preparation time before seeing him.  And above all, for goodness sake, he can never know how masculine you really are.  You must be a prim and proper lady. So hold the dirty jokes and don't show your gratitude for a fine meal with a belch that would put one of his to shame.

Rule number four:  A player must do her best to hide 'the crazy' from her opponent.  This includes jealousy, PMS, irrational fears, anxiety, obsessions, irrational emotions, anger... Etc.

All women have many levels of crazy.  Some women have more levels than others, but we all have it.  I'd like to think of myself as having a lower level of crazy.  But then ex boyfriends and family members might disagree.  For the most part though, I think I'm pretty low maintenance.  But even the lowest maintenance females have a difficult time hiding their crazy.  Whether it be their need to hold the remote, or their OCD in certain aspects, or even just their insecurities.  It all falls under one category to our opponents; crazy.  So hide it as best as you can.  Some of it is bound to slip out.  Hopefully you're lucky enough to have an opponent that thinks it's cute.  Just try your best to conceal the higher levels of your crazy as much as possible.

Rule number five:  Never, ever, ever under any circumstances, EVER can a player be the first to say 'I love you'.  The opposition must always be the first to say it.

Did you hear that?  Even if you feel it with every fiber of your being.  Even if you feel yourself mouthing it when you cuddle. Or you feel the need to scream and shout it from the roof tops.  Don't!  I don't care what the "Love" books say.  Under no condition can you ever say those infamous three words first.  It is, in most cases, a death sentence, straight to 'game over'.  So contain yourself, control it, do what you must to keep it bottled up.  You might be able to come back from breaking the other rules once or twice.  But there's no coming back from breaking this rule.  Ever.

So those are the rules of The Dating Game.  Do with them what you will.  In the end, if you're lucky, after a while of playing The Dating Game, your opponent could very well become your team mate.  When this happens, you know you've found a love that will last.  Together you can win the game and do so by breaking as many rules as you'd like.  Once you're on the same team, there's no longer an opposition to worry about.  You can feel safe, knowing the gamble with your heart isn't as severe as it once was.

For now, I am going to do my best to follow the rules.  I must admit, I have broken rules 1-4 from time to time.  But in my defense, I am extremely rusty because it has been so long since I have played The Dating Game.  And in all honestly, I was never very good at it.  But practice makes perfect.  I'm not out of the game yet.  Hopefully this one lasts a while, and you never know, maybe there will be no losers in this one.  I've not really thought that far ahead to be honest, because I'm just enjoying the moment.  He's funny and playful, and I think he's exactly what I need right now.  It's definitely not love yet, so I don't need to worry about rule number five just now.  He makes me happy (so far).  And my crazy hasn't scared him off (yet).

I've taken a leap, I'm risking it all and it's exciting.  Wish me luck!  Game on!