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It’s no secret that men and women are different when it
comes to sex and matters of the heart.
However, lately the lines between men and women have become rather
blurry. Women are becoming more
independent and empowered, and as a result, own their sexuality in a way that
they have never done before. Women are
having one-night stands, and ‘no strings attached’ relationships, and they are
no longer allowing themselves to be judged for doing so. And rightly so, men have been living this way
for years, and there has never been a stigma attached to them. If a man chooses to sew his wild oats, then
he is a king, a player, and it is celebrated.
If a woman chooses to do the same, she is a slut, too promiscuous, and
she is shamed for it. I absolutely agree
that a woman should be given the same right to explore her sexuality that a man
has. If she chooses to have a string of
one-night stands or a friend with benefits, rather than a relationship, then so
she should.
However, I wonder, is it really a choice that women make, or
is it something they feel they have to do?
Is it really their own decision, or do they feel it’s their only option? Can women really have ‘no strings attached’
sex or do we naturally attach strings, so to speak?
For me personally, I find it difficult to not become
emotionally attached to someone that I become physical with. However, I recognize this in myself and as a
result, I don’t have ‘no strings attached’ sex or hook ups of any kind. I do believe there are women that can have
these kinds of relationships, and don’t worry about becoming attached, because
they have found someone that they only connect with on a physical level. If there is any emotional connection between
them, then I believe a woman is lying to herself if she tells herself that
there are no strings attached.
The reason I was inspired to write this tonight is because I
have a friend who is going through this at the moment. B was in a ‘no strings attached’ relationship
with a friend of hers. However, she
found after a few months of this, she was beginning to develop feelings for
him. She told him how she felt, and
wasn’t given the response that she wanted.
Now B is faced with a decision, does she cut all ties with him and move
on, or does she settle for their ‘no strings attached’ relationship. The choice for the type of relationship that
they could have was taken from her; he made the choice for her. It’s this, or nothing. So what is a girl to do?
It reminded me of my relationship with V. For months I wanted more, and he only wanted
to be friends. We basically acted like a
couple, but we weren’t a couple. Our
relationship was never physical (because I had to protect my heart), but the
choice was still the same. It was
friendship, or nothing. I chose friendship,
on his terms, because I couldn’t stand the thought of not having him in my
life. I made the wrong choice. He was bad for me, and thankfully, a little
over a month ago; I realized this and ended our “friendship”.
B is now faced with the same choice. She can either move on from H, or she can go
back to their ‘no strings attached’ relationship, and force herself to be happy
with it. B and I discussed her
relationship tonight, and we realized that there really isn’t an emotional
connection there with H. We think that
she has fooled herself into believing that there is something more than what
there is, because she wants it so bad.
She’s lonely and as a result, she has imaged there to be an emotional
connection where there really is only a physical one.
This is exactly why I don’t have sex until I know there is
an emotional connection. Because
regardless of whether or not there is, I will believe there to be one because
there is a physical one. My mind confuses
lust with love, unless I remove lust from the equation. I believe B is similar to me in this
aspect. However, perhaps with her
realization that there really isn’t an emotional connection there, she can go
back to their previous relationship, without getting hurt.
For me personally, I couldn’t risk it. My heart has been through too much, and I
know myself too well. I would inevitably
be hurt by the relationship, or lack there of.
However, I personally know women who can do it. I have a friend who rarely associates sex
with emotion and only establishes physical connections with partners. I admire her for being able to do so, and
more power to her for it. But, I also
know women who pretend that they can do it, but can’t. They pretend that their ‘no strings attached’
relationship is their own choice, when it was really the only option they
had. It was that or nothing for them,
and they chose to accept the relationship for what it was, for fear of having
nothing.
I have advised B to think it over some more, and figure out
what she really wants before jumping into anything. If she realizes she really doesn’t have an
emotional connection to H, and she wants to continue the relationship exactly
how it was, then good for her. I think
she should go for it. But I’d hope that
if there were any doubt in her mind that she can really have a ‘no strings
attached’ relationship with H without wanting more, she would make the choice
to move on. Because trust me, making a
choice to settle for less than what you want, for fear of losing someone completely,
is the wrong choice. I made it with V,
and I regretted it. It just prolonged
the inevitable, and made the sting of losing him far worse.
I hope she makes the right choice for herself, and only
herself. If she believes there is more
than just a physical connection there, then she needs to move on. She is a beautiful, strong woman, and she
will be just fine on her own. But if she
really believes that she can have a ‘no strings attached’ relationship, and it
truly is her own choice, then she should embrace her freedom to have any type
of relationship that she chooses. All
that I ask from her is that whatever she chooses really is her own choice, and
not something that she feels she has to settle for, for fear of having
nothing.
Embrace your womanhood B, and make the right choice for you,
as an independent and empowered woman.
